Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
