No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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