Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
