How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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