We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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