I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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