I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
