I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
