i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
