Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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