Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
