Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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