Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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