Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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