i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
