and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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