Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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