She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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