Where is the hickey?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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