So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
