don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
