Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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