I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
