saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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