We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My ass is underappreciated
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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