I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
