What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
