dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
