I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
