Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize