Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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