Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
