Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
