So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
