we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
