I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
