yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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