I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
