my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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