I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize