make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
