I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's get the cat blown out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
