Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
