fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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