He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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