How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
