you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
