I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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