The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
