You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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