You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
