yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
did i just pee glitter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
