You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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