Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
