I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
