I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
