the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize