I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
