I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
