Kiss
Puke
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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