In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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