Apparently you make a good broom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
