Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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