i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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