Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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