why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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