he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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