Is it because I queefed?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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