It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
