He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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