Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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