wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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