is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
