you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
