Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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