You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
