The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
