Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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