I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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