good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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