afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
