We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
