yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
