What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize