# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize