fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
