I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
