I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
