LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
