I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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