Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
