thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
