Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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