First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
