i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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