White coat. Heels.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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