I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We don't watch enough power rangers
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
