Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
