she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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