I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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