Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
