party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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